Expect Surprises
Teens will make mistakes, and sometimes they will make large ones. A 10th-grade boy may get caught cheating on an exam and get an F, or a junior girl may come home drunk from a party. Unfortunately, these things are part of the adolescent landscape. Our kids are trying things out for the first time, charting new territory. There is a learning curve. We should expect our kids to fall short. Expecting mistakes and surprises will prepare us for when they need us most. In these important moments, our kids will be hurting, confused, afraid, frustrated and angry. This is when they need us to be strong, clear-headed, present, wise, in control and loving. Often, the shock and surprise throw us into a tailspin. We lose our composure, get overly emotional, lash out, get angry, and more. These are moments for real teaching, connection and growth. If we aren’t caught off guard, we are more likely to remain composed, leaning into our kids in a way that will capture them. We will offer important wisdom, reasonable consequences, comfort, presence, and more. They need it, deep down want it, and will ultimately appreciate it. Believe it or not, teenagers are scared and unsure, and they look to us for stability and calm. When we lose our cool, focus on our own emotions and make it about us, we close the door to our kids. We push them away. Where will they go? To the obvious place: They will turn to the tried-and-true wisdom and sage advice of other 16-year-olds. This is not the best road. Sometimes, they won’t come back to us. We have shut the door to communication. When mistakes happen, we have a chance to do some great work. Be prepared. Keep your emotions in check. Expect surprises, and be fully present when your kids are truly hurting.
