Parents, You Are Not Alone

We were in Chicago with our son’s volleyball team, dining out with about sixteen parents. Between bites of deep dish pizza and laughter over tournament stories, the conversation turned to our kids, the joys, the challenges, and the daily negotiations that come with raising teenagers.

Soon, we were talking about curfews, parties, phones, and dating when something remarkable happened. We all had the same aha moment. Each of us realized our kids had been saying the same thing:

“You’re the only parents who have a curfew.”
“No one else tracks our location.”
“Everyone else can spend the night.”

Sound familiar?

As we compared notes, we started laughing. It turned out we all had solid boundaries, similar rules, and the same kinds of conversations at home. Our kids weren’t exactly lying; they were exaggerating, dramatizing, trying to test limits. And in doing so, they’d convinced each of us that we were alone in our parenting decisions.

But we weren’t.

That dinner reminded us that community matters. Parenting can feel isolating, especially in a world that prizes independence and privacy. But when parents team up, when we share information and support each other, we become stronger, wiser, and more confident.

Next time your teen insists you’re the only one who asks them to do chores, call their bluff.

“Actually, Jason, Xander, Myles, and Cooper all have chores. I talked to their parents this week. Nice try.”

Over that dinner in Chicago, we circled the wagons and reminded ourselves: we love our kids, and we’re in this together.

Rediscovering the Village

Years ago, neighbors would step in when they saw a child misbehaving at the park, on the field, or in the street. Today, that’s almost unthinkable. We might say, “How dare they? That’s none of their business.”

But maybe it should be.

When trusted friends and fellow parents gently help guide our kids, they’re not judging, they’re reinforcing shared values. It signals to our kids that they are known, loved, and supported by a network of adults who care about their growth. Parenting in community doesn’t diminish our authority; it multiplies our influence.

Trading Kids, Gaining Perspective

When my oldest son was eight, we did a weeklong experiment. We sent him to live with close family friends, and their son came to live with us. We told each boy:

“For one week, you belong to them. Their rules. Their style. Their way.”

Our son read more, ate healthier, connected more with others, and took on extra chores. Their son learned to ride a bike, jumped off the high dive, and went out for ice cream.

We all learned something. They could use a little more adventure; we could use a little more structure. Everyone grew.

The Gift of Lifelong Community

For over thirty-six years, we’ve vacationed, worshiped, and shared monthly dinners with five families, our dearest friends since college. When all our kids went off to college, I started texting small groups of them every Sunday:

“How was your week?”
“What was the best part?”
“How can I pray for you?”

I would tell them about my week. Sometimes there is no reply, sometimes the replies are long; sometimes it’s just a heart emoji. But they all know I care, and that the other parents in our circle care too. During their college days, I would send them a meal during finals week. For a young college student, food and finals are a crucial combination. Receiving a pizza at your dorm at 11:00 pm during finals is a great way to share with them, “you matter.” These twenty young adults realize they have a “backstop” of people who will show up for them. They can seek advice, go skiing, take a walk, or discuss a tough week with someone other than their parent who has known them since birth. 

My oldest son will go hiking with my best friend, and I will only hear about it afterward.

That’s what community looks like. It’s a second family, a web of trust, care, and love that helps our kids flourish long after they leave home.

Who Are You Traveling With?

We often move in the same circles, school, church, and sports, but live isolated lives. Parenting isn’t meant to be done alone.

So ask yourself:

• Who are you traveling with in parenting your kids?
  
• Who are you walking with in faith, work, and friendship?
  
• Who knows your children well enough to cheer for them, correct them, and pray for them?
  

We’re better when we parent together. We need each other for wisdom, laughter, perspective, and strength.

You’re not alone. You never were.