The Marriage Is Key
A strong marriage helps create stability, open communication, and a level of support, which are all important ingredients in the adolescent years. This is not to say that kids from single-parent homes or in co-parenting homes don’t excel. I grew up as an only child in a single-parent home, and it was a source of inspiration and motivation. My mother worked extremely hard and my uncles filled important roles. I have seen many kids in co-parenting environments and from single homes do very well. I have also seen kids in intact families where the marriage is suffering be negatively affected.
Kids in families in which the marriage is not a priority are missing out. Often, when our kids are born, we stop all things related to our relationships as couples. The marriage disappears. After all, the kids have so many needs, how is there time for “us”? Of course, there are real, practical needs. However, placing our kids, who are naturally inclined toward self-absorption, at the center of the family is a mistake. The marriage will suffer. We need to prioritize our marriages and do the heavy lifting to build strong families. Placing boundaries around our kids’ needs so we can work on our marriages is very necessary. I’m not advocating that we neglect our kids and go travel the world, just that we don’t let our marriages fade into the background. If Mom and Dad are in a good place, it pays tremendous dividends for everyone else (this is true in any family arrangement). The opposite is also true.
We had kids after being married for eight years. We had established routines, traditions, friends, and had built a foundation for life. When Lindsey came along she was entering an established family. She became part of it, she wasn’t the center of it. Of course we took great care of her and her practical needs were great. However, she was still a part of a bigger picture. We took her along to dinners and at important times stretched her schedule. As our kids got older we would have them do things that we liked doing, that we had already been doing. They also brought their personality into the family, enhanced traditions and started new ones.
Healthy teenagers have parents who have strong relationships and have built well balanced families.
